Showing Love

It's been a while--a long while--since I last wrote anything. I will admit that I am not one of those mamas who has it all together. You know, the ones who can make everything from scratch, who keeps a clean and orderly house, whose children never have a stain on their clothes and are always obedient, and who can accomplish everything in the homeschooling day with hours to spare. Oh, you're not one of those mamas either? Great! It's nice to know that I'm not alone in my imperfectness. :)

Our youngest is now 6 months old. How did that happen? It seems like we just came home from the hospital last week, and I blinked and he's got the whole army man crawl down to a science. I am a mama who is still learning, after 6 months, to balance the needs of four young children and a husband, a mama who is learning every day what is truly important in that day and what really isn't all that important in the grand scheme of things. And I am here to admit that I still haven't gotten it all figured out.

But if someone were to ask me what my kids would say was the one phrase I could be remembered for, without a doubt it would be, "Is that showing love?"

I want my kids to grow up knowing that mommy and daddy love them. More than that, I want them to know that their Heavenly Father loves them even more than we do--and that's a lot! And I also want them to know that they need to show love to others with their actions as well as their words.

As siblings often do, my kids will nitpick each other and get into arguments and do some not-so-nice downright mean things to each other. When this happens, one of the first things I ask is, "Is that how we show love to each other?" Quite often, the answer is no, which then prompts the question, "What should you do instead?" My five year old will often just answer, "Show love," so we have to talk about how he can show love instead of doing whatever he had done. My eight year old is a little more capable of thinking it through and can sometimes give a more thought-out response.

But when it comes right down to it, I have to stop and ask myself, am I showing them how to love with my actions, or am I just a clanging cymbal (I Corinthians 13:1)?

If I were to honestly answer that question, I would have to say that I can be a pretty loud cymbal at times. This mama doesn't always show love. But one thing that I have learned how to do, especially in the last year, is to go to my kids and tell them that I was wrong to respond in a certain way and tell them what I should have done instead. Sometimes I am cranky and irritable because I didn't get enough sleep or don't feel well. And do you know what I read the other day, as if for the very first time?

"[Love] is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged." (I Corinthians 13:4b, NLT)

Well, if that didn't just hit me like a ton of bricks! How often have I been irritable for this reason or that and been short with the kids or my husband? That certainly isn't showing love, and I have had to repent and ask my Heavenly Father to help me in this area. I am always ready with a hug or a kiss for my family, but there are times when, like my kids, I can just flat out act ugly. Sometimes I want my own way. Sometimes I am impatient. The most amazing thing is that even when I act like that, our Heavenly Father is ready and waiting with grace and with His perfect love. He forgives my shortcomings sins and says, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." (II Corinthians 12:9) He is that definition of love that we find in I Corinthians 13. He is patient and kind, never rude or irritable. Our kids' behavior is what we model for them--and just as our Heavenly Father models grace and love for us, I want to model those things for my children.

Lord, help me to be less of a loud, clanging cymbal and more of a grace-filled mama and wife who shows Your love to my family and to others.

You act just like your Father!!

How many times did you hear that phrase when you were a kid? And how often was it used in a negative way?

Isn't it funny how when you become a parent, you can see the good--and sometimes not-so-good--traits of both you and your spouse in your children? One of the biggest character traits that Ben has passed to our children is his silliness. Anyone who knows Ben casually probably doesn't know just how goofy he can be. He's quite the crack-up! As I have watched our children--especially Abby, mostly because she's older--I have seen how they have picked up on his silliness. I can't begin to count the times I have told Abby, "Oh, you act just like your daddy!" when she has done something totally off-the-wall. Often, I'll catch her pulling silly faces in the mirror while she's washing her hands or when she's supposed to be brushing her teeth! And even Hayden is getting into the funny faces act; he has started making funny faces at himself and laughing at them!

I started thinking about that this morning. How much do I act like my Father--my Heavenly Father? Let's take a look at some of His attributes for a moment and see how they apply to everyday life.

1. God is loving. Throughout both the Old and New Testaments we see God's love for humanity expressed in so many ways. He made covenants with His people (Gen. 9:8-17; Gen. 15); He provided for their every need, even when they complained (Ex. 16-17:7); He gave His people rules for living (Ex. 20:1-17); and He even gave them what they whined for and thought they wanted when they kept asking for a king, even though He knew a king would be bad for them. (The time of the kings began in I Sam. 8.)

2. God is giving. There is no greater example of God's giving nature than what we see in John 3:16, "For God so loved the world that He gave..." He gave us His very best!

3. God is forgiving. Example after example of God's forgiving nature is seen throughout the Bible. Do a quick search in a concordance or on a Web site like Bible Gateway and you will see the different verses on God's forgiveness.

Here are a few examples of how these apply to everyday living:

Love: Am I unconditional with my love for others? Do I freely give my love to others, thereby showing them God's love for them? How many times a day do I tell my children and my husband that I love them? How do I show them my love for them? Do I let my friends know that I love them, too?

Giving: How freely do I give of what I have? Do I give to those in need? Do I give the Lord what is rightfully His--my tithe--on a regular basis? Do I give above the tithe? Do I give my best, or do I give what I think I can get by with giving? Do I give cheerfully? Do I give to my children freely, or do I tell them "No" too often?

Forgiving: How easily do I forgive? Do I hold a grudge against others, or do I let it go? If my children do something wrong, am I quick to forgive them or do I hold it over them for a while? Do I forgive my husband easily, or do I make him pay penance of some sort? Am I as quick to forgive my family as I am to forgive others?

As a parent, it is my job to model God to my children. Sometimes, this parent needs a gentle reminder of that very thing. Nothing above is meant to be hard or condemning. Quite the contrary! Everything above is intended to be encouraging and maybe shine some light on an area that might need a little more attention.

Just as my children sometimes act like their daddy, I want to act more like my Heavenly Father.

I hope you acted like your Father today!